Terrible two's
by Batise
Summary: Jacob and Renesemee are grown up and have twins and little Roxanne and Caleb have hit those terrible two's *funny* *read*
1. Chapter 1

Characters – Renesnemee, Jacob, Roxanne, Caleb

Jacob and Renesnemee are grown up and married with twins and those twins just hit the terrible twos. Roxanne and Caleb are a quarter human, a quarter vampire and half werewolf.

Renesnemee's pov

Jacob was shaking me awake for the second time in a row

"Renesnemee" he wined "Caleb locked himself in the bathroom again and I think he's trying to flush himself to Australia"

I groaned and sat up. I headed to the window once again, we couldn't knock down the door encase we hurt him and I was the only one small enough to go through the window.

I slid through the window and once I was inside Caleb through a bar of soap at my head I stumbled and somehow got my foot in the toilet.

I grabbed Caleb then headed to the door when I heard Jacob shouting

"No Roxy not the peanut butter"

But when I went out the door Roxanne was sitting like a little angel in the playpen, I put Caleb in the playpen then dislodged a knife full of peanut butter from Jacobs nose.

When we turned around they were gone. Great!

In the middle of searching under the bed I heard Jacob shout

"How do you turn off the washing machine"?

"You press the green button twice…. why"

"Roxanne is in there" as I was heading to the kitchen I spotted Caleb dangling from his teeth from the roof fan.

When I was in the kitchen I said to Jacob

" I'll get Roxy you get Caleb. He's on the fan again"

I got Roxanne out and Jacob appeared holding Caleb who was still attached to the fan

"that's the third one this week" he moaned

As I was putting them down for a nap I showed them the story of Cinderella.

When they were fast asleep I sat on Jacobs lap on the couch.

Watch out world the terrible twos were here!

Ok, watcha think. Its only small but there is more to come… I'm thinking next chapter Emmett comes to visit.. maybe to baby-sit


	2. Chapter 2 emmett

(Takes place straight after chapter 1) my sister helps me with this!

Jake was playing with my bronze hair when the doorbell rang. Emmett finally when I opened the door I was swept into uncle Emmett's famous bear hugs

"Emmett…. breath…. can't" I stuttered then zoomed out the door with Jacob before they wake up

"Their asleep" I yelled to Emmett the last thing I heard before leaving was Emmett yelling

"Aarg its on me!!"

Emmett pov

After they closed the door I turned to find little Roxanne coming out of her room

"Heya"

"Uncle Emmett look" then the little half mutt threw a fish at me and it hit me on the forehead

"Aarg its on me" I yelled pinging the fish off I turned round to find Caleb biting La-la's head off. Not La-la anyone but La-la. I had brought my teletubbies action figures for them to play with but now my dear La-la was dead. I started dry sobbing

"Jeez uncle Emmett" Roxanne said in an exasperated tone

I took the glue from the kitchen drawer and fixed La-la's head back on.

I put her back in the bag I brought and all of a sudden it was quiet, too quiet.

I jumped round the corner batman stile to see Roxy's nose stuck to the tea pot using the glue I had just used on La-la .

I ran down to the river with teapot head under my arm and dunked her in a couple of times. Dang it still stuck. I'm in BIG TROUBLE!

I had to go to the hospital with her and with my luck I ran not only into Carlisle but Edward too. Great!

"what did you do to her Emmett" Carlisle asked me

"ididntdoitshefoundtheglueiusedonLa-laandstckherself"

"all I got out of that was glue and La-la" Carlisle said while Edward stood there like he wanted to pounce on me. I told him what happen in my head and he near enough exploded

"YOU DON'T LEAVE GLUE LYING AROUND WHEN THERE ARE 2 YEAR OLDS THERE"

"where is Caleb" whoops

I rushed back and left Edward to fix Roxanne. I opened the door scared of what I might find.

It turns out Caleb had gotten the puppy from next door phased and was now proceeding to beat up the puppy.

I had just returned the puppy to next door when the phone rang

"I didn't do it, it wasn't me" I answered the phone

"Emmett, you need to take Roxanne to ballet"

"will do" they didn't need to know she was in hospital now "how do you get Caleb to phase back?"

" I dunno but Seth will be there soon to take care of him"

Once Seth had arrived I sped to the hospital to pick up Roxanne who was now separated from the teapot

I took Roxy to the ballet studio the book on the reception desk said

"sign in"

"name" that's an easy one "Emmett" I wrote.

When we were in the hall the dance teacher came up to me and said

"are you Emmett"

"yes I am"

"do you have tights with you" what .. what kind of question was that

"no" I said to the woman giving her funny looks

it turns out I accidentally signed up for the ballet class. And the teacher was mean.!

After the class Jacob turned up to pick up Roxy. He looked at me then I realised I was still wearing a pair of tights from the class. I think I wearded him out. Something tells me I wont see his kids for a while…


	3. Chapter 3 everyone

I arrived at the Cullen's main house with Roxanne in tow; we were going to stay with them for a couple of days. A small holiday while Jacob visited Sam and Emily and the pack with Caleb.(their still close with Sam's pack)

When we got to the porch mom and dad were making out

Yuck!

Dad looked up when he heard my thoughts and I said

"Please no PDA's around your kid"

"PDA's?" gosh dad was so clueless sometimes, He scowled when I thought that.

"Public displays of affection" "oh"

He got up and hugged me as Roxy went inside.

* * *

"JASPER DON'T YOU DARE" I yelled at him, he was crouched over Roxanne looking hungry. Roxanne had phased and jasper had an appetite for dog.

"ROXANNE BLACK, WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE WE GOT HERE, PHASE RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME…"

She phased back and I changed her at vampire speed. (A/N changed her into clothes, as she was naked)

I sat on the couch as she played with Emmett

"where is Jacob" mom asked

"we split up"

"oh, honey I'm so sorry" dad said as he sat beside me and rubbed my shoulders. He didn't even sound sorry he doesn't like Jacob

"not like that" I spat at him. Then I showed him the conversation between Jacob and myself when we agreed to visit friends and family then swap kids half way through the week

"oh" was all he said. I turned my back on him then heard a crash from next door

when we rushed through it turns out Roxanne had flipped Emmett over the dinning room table

"how did SHE do THAT" Emmett called from the floor. Everyone laughed

"Emmett got beat up by a two year old girl" jasper teased

"she has the strength of a human, vampire and werewolf rolled into one" Carlisle reasoned.

I wonder how Jacob's doing.

* * *

Jacob POV

We came to the outback of Sam and Emily's hose where a bonfire was already going. I got a round of high fives and delicately hugged a very pregnant Emily. The guys started playing catch with Caleb, I didn't mind but Nessie would have gone nuts.

After a few minutes I decided to rescue Caleb after Paul almost dropped him into the fire.

"bath time" I announced

"but I don't wanna" Embry, Jared and Paul all complained. I shot them a nasty glance and picked Caleb up. I never noticed how fast he had gotten as I tried to put him in the bath for the fifth time he jumped out the window.

Aw man Nessies gonna freak

I looked out the window and saw a puppy running towards the woods.. Great he phased!

I tore off my pants and phased, I ran afer him

_Heya Jake I haven't heard you in a while, _Seth was on patrol. Great Caleb liked Seth,

I replayed the bath fiasco and Seth laughed before we divided to find him.

I wasn't peculiarly worried as the boy had my sense of direction and I could still hear his thoughts…which weren't much help as he was only two.

We found him splashing about in the river

_So you'll bathe in the river but not in the bath, _I huffed

I'll let Emily discipline him, I was one for puppy dog eyes and no good at discipline, it will be practice for her kid, he smelt like wet dog as I pulled him from the mud…he needed a bath NOW… time for round two operation bath time....

* * *

_**thanks to**_

brokennecksandbrokenhearts -** i took your advice with the cullens/packs help**

k8ex10 x2 - **glad you love it**

Emmett cullen is my monkey man -** i thought it was funny too**

Twilightlover33 - **you reveiwed my other fanfic too thanks alot.. the dance class was my mums idea**


End file.
